Must prepare

We leave for Michigan next Sunday morning for the week. I must figure out what all we're doing so I know what to pack. I just know I'm going to have to buy things so I hope I can squeeze out a litlle shopping money without feeling guilty.

Side note: DH did the last of the official crap for unemployment today. Looks like we'll get his first "paycheck" Wednesday. Totally sucks that it's at least 20% of his weekly pay, but I guess it's something. Still no jobs in the field so he's meeting with BIL's friend who has a bail bonds biz in our town. Just what I wanted him to do. ::eye roll::

Anniversary gifts

I forgot to share what our anniversary gifts were. DH and I are sticking with the traditional gift thing. Well, I am and he's not protesting so that's the same as "we," right?

So I got him a gift certificate to get a new tat. He got me one for a massage...he knows me so well :)

Can't wait to spend mine!

Our Future Home

Dh and I did the Parade of Homes this weekend. We got some really great ideas for when we build and surprisingly not too many looks as we wondered into the $929,000 house that's 3 times the place we live in now. Perhaps we pull off the young, rich heir look, no?

I think we even found the builder we'll use. He's local. We loved 2 of the houses we saw this weekend...enough to even go back there on Sunday. His prices are right. Small business. Offers a discount because we're local to him. So all gravy, right?

We reviewed all our notes and drew up this floorplan only to realize that we forgot to add in our office. I'm kinda pissed because I love the way it is now. Granted it's not totally to scale. I'm not an architect so things could be wrong already...but in my head it's symetrical! lolz.

Things can come and go so fast

Don't mind me if I just sulk for a minute here. I'm having a bad evening.

I cannot believe last week, this day, we got the best news of our life. I took aim at my $.99 pee cup and waited and waited and waited. Pretended to cook dinner without an obvious look of wonder and hope that in 3 minutes, maybe, just maybe we'd be pg. I go to check the results assuming it was a negative only to see the most wonderful word uttered by a $15 stick that you treat so poorly to pee on but that holds your future so excitingly, "PREGNANT!" I fluttered about the house to grab another stick. Thank God I used the cup and didn't attempt 10 seconds mid-stream. Ah, should I waste another digi? Wait, I have a generic brand. We'll see what it says. There's a cross. OMG, OMG!!! Stirring dinner. Oh yeah, you can use an OPK to test too. A second pink line on it. WE'RE PREGNANT!!!

I grab DH's gift of an LSU onesie and the closest gift bag I could find...a Christmas one, how lovely! I give him the bag saying it's an early anniversary gift. After some blank stares of trying to figure out what a stick that says "PREGNANT" on it actually means, he grabs me, kisses me and it's the most wonderful evening ever.

Just 2 days later I begin to feel worrisome. Cramping, but that's normal. Pg symptoms can = PMS symptoms. Some spotting.....I freak but yes, brown is ok....now pink....try to stay calm. I cannot be going crazy already. I cannot believe I stayed at work that Friday. I was a wreck all day. My Dr called me back to schedule my first appt. After speaking with the nurse and telling her what's going on, I get slightly reassured it could be normal.

That night and Saturday was horrible. Saturday began the worst day of my life, so far. How can something I was given just 3 days ago, be already taken from me? That's not fair. Brown and pink turned to red. Uncomfortable cramps led to the worst I've ever had. It was not a good day. I did not want to do anything....Sunday either. I spent most of the weekend in bed.

I guess I had that feeling. A feeling I tried to ignore because I was pregnant, actually pregnant! I was going to have a child, be a mother. It CANNOT be taken from me already. But that Saturday I figured out it could and it was. My fears of a chemical pregnancy was a reality.

So I look back to an exact week ago and think man, things can come and go so fast. I'm sitting here in a whirlwind still and my only hope is looking forward to trying again and our future. One day we will get pregnant again. One day. But yet it also scares me. What if this happens again?

Oh how sweet it is

Since Sunday was our first anniversary, DH and I got to enjoy our top layer of cake. Since I dislike cake--of course our top (and bottom layer) were cheesecake instead! My dad wrapped up our top layer in aluminum foil the night of our wedding, so it didn't save all nice and pretty. The majority of the buttercream icing was left on the foil, but oh emm gee did it taste good! As of today we still have some left that I stack on every night!

13. Replace chandelier in kitchen over dining table--CHECK

DH finally got around to putting up our new light fixture for over the dining table. Nothing fancy. I just hated the 1970s version of what we had before.

Might be a PW this week since I'm distracting myself and trying to get the damn peestick off the front page. Hmph.

Well, my fears were correct

Yesterday I started my period so I guess it was a chemical pregnancy. I'll call my doctor to cancel my appointment for later this month and see if there's anything I need to do.

Worst day of my life, right there. Totally heartbreaking.

::sigh::

I promise to never test early again. I could not put myself thru this again. I felt like the whole time I was waiting for the other shoe to drop so I guess deep down I sensed it. Still blows.

Guess I'll be having a few glasses of wine at our First Anniversary dinner tonight. Yay me. ::rolls eyes::

worried

I should have waited until today to test. I know I should have. I'm at work debating whether or not to go get a peestick or just call the Dr. I have some slight barely pink spotting today that has me terrified this is a C/P. I usually have this the day or so before my period and tomorrow would be CD 1.

Why does this have to be so damn frightening?

1. Get pregnant--CHECK

Thanks to MrsBreaux2008 for pointing out that I have completed my first of my 101 Things. Although, it wasn't something I could totally control, it's nice to mark something off my list and ABSOLUTELYFREAKINGWONDERFUL to be pg. Dear Tiger Bebe, we cannot wait until you arrive! Smooches.

::look to previous post for the pic::

Guesssss Whatttt?????

We are so KTFU!!!



I'm sorry it's not the best pic in the world! BFP @ 12 dpo. We're SO FRICKIN' EXCITED!!!! I feel so blessed and cannot WAIT to be a mother. I pray that it's a sticky baby. We already love you so much!

I'll post more tomorrow. I just wanted to share with everyone this evening. Thanks for all the well wishes on TTC and me stressing out. I really appreciate everyone's support!

Love!

I wish it was Friday already. All kinds of funky going on. May break and test tomorrow at 12 dpo. I have no self control. Bah!